Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Wedding Hair

Normally I hate the Yahoo faux-news, but this was irresistable click-bait.

Both my friend Lil and I think our hairdressers messed up our wedding day hair. Lil thought she should have done her own. I thought I shouldn't have fallen out with my magical Caribbean stylist.

Frankly, I think Lily looked fine. In fact she is the only bride I know as a friend who looked as stunning as a "bride" in a perfume ad. Yes, yes, all brides are beautiful on their wedding day, beauty is only skin deep, yadda yadda. But unlike anyone else I know, she could have immediately done a photo shoot for Estée Lauder.

I, however, just looked like me--or would have looked like me had I not attempted to do a cut-price hot iron straighten. I highly regret this now--although perhaps this is a sign I really need to let certain memories go. I mean, who cares about my hair almost seven years ago? I made sure I looked better on my fifth anniversary than on the day itself, so I should let it rest.


What happened is that I made an appointment with my magical Caribbean stylist who was unfortunately not working at the same salon anymore. She was away and gone to some other part of town, where I was willing to go. Being on a shoestring budget, I was careful not to mention that I was going to get married the next day. Toronto hairdressers hear "wedding" and charge mega-bucks, no matter what you are having done to your hair. I can understand this when it is going to take hours, but my hair always takes hours anyway--as MCS may have remembered, as she called back to renegotiate the price. Bridezilla answered the phone and roared.

So instead of having perfectly smooth and shiny hair like Julianne Moore I had rather flat and limp mall hair and, honestly, I should have had the hairdresser just put it in a simple bun, telling her it was for "a big date" and slept propped up on pillows so as not to disturb the Friday night arrangement. Or--staggering thought--I could have got my mother and sisters to do it.

Less is more. Less is more. Less is more.

I will now cheer us all up with a photo from B.A.'s and my Fifth Wedding Anniversary:

P.S. Brides. Superfragile. Do not easily let go of what happens on wedding day. Must be treated even more gently than newborn baby skulls, let alone Singles.

Personal Top Ten hierarchy of fragility: Unborn babies, brides, newborn baby skulls, children, recently bereaved parents, recently bereaved widows and widowers, long-term Searching Singles, teenagers, childless-not-by-choice, seminary drop-outs. PhD dropouts are also very fragile, but I am not sure if they are more or less fragile than seminary drop-outs. The unemployed-not-by-choice should be in there, too, of course.


  1. I have no idea what you looked like on your wedding day, but in that photo you look fabulous!


  2. My friend did her own hair for her wedding two weeks ago, and she had a tiny mini freak out about it on the day. She seemed to think it looked odd, but it was seriously the best she'd ever done that style. Looked great. Her mother and I talked her out of a panic.

    I did my own hair for that wedding as well (and we all did our own make up.) I had to practise a few times because my hair is very thick and long and fine and resistant to styling, but I managed it with some experimentation and it looked fine and the bride was happy. There were a few times during my practise runs where I was like, "WHY is she not getting a hair stylist??? I will pay ANY sum for someone who knows what she's doing to do this for me!!!" But by the time they day rolled around I had trialled it so many times that I knew it would work. And now I actually know how to style my hair.

    Hairdressers everywhere hear 'wedding' and charge like raging bulls. My hair took me an hour and half to do because I have a lot of hair. A skilled stylist would be quicker, but a skilled stylist would be concerned about her reputation and probably also demand a trial run, so there goes more $$$.

  3. Julia - I think you'll find that is the wedding day bride & groom in the background on the screen, right Mrs Mac??? Hair doesn't look too bad...

    And J is right - you and BA make a lovely couple :) The 5th anniversary photos are clearly keepers :)

    Love the List of Fragility! I note all but two categories (widows & bereaved parents) are younger/young adult/single categories, possibly because marriage and old age bring stability and less traumatic experiences like 'flat hair' weddings? ;)


    1. Confidence and wisdom, too. And, usually, thicker skins. I think adults should, on the whole, treat each other like adults, but be a little more careful and self-aware of how they treat the very young, the young and the hurting. Long-term Singles not-by-choice, in my experience, are hurting underneath, but they don't think about the hurt unless someone hits the bruise, as it were.

    2. Confidence and wisdom, too. And, usually, thicker skins. I think adults should, on the whole, treat each other like adults, but be a little more careful and self-aware of how they treat the very young, the young and the hurting. Long-term Singles not-by-choice, in my experience, are hurting underneath, but they don't think about the hurt unless someone hits the bruise, as it were.

  4. My hair stylist actually did it for free- and ou it up after the mass before reception! I I loved my wedding hair- it was basically like my everyday hair but prettier. I wanted it to be like that instead of really different so I'd feel like myself.

    The last wedding I was in, the bride had a friend do her hair, so we did our own- or that was the plan. I'd practiced during the summer, but I ended up getting really sick for a few hours that day (pregnant), so when the other bridesmaids asked what they could do, I said my hair.

    PS Response to comment on another post: Julia, don't mourn not bring able to have children before that actually happens. Could happen, but plenty of people have babies without problems in their late thirties and even early forties.

  5. (I mean, if you get married, yes, try to have a baby before 35, 30 if possible because there's a biological reality- if nothing else, you're just more tired when you're older!- but the biological reality is not absolute, so don't despair something that might not even be true for you.)

  6. Thanks, Anamaria.

    I think that women who've already had children when they were younger probably have more children pretty easily when they're in their late 30s or early 40s, but I've no idea about first-timers. That might be the crucial point. Sure, so-and-so's mum had a baby at 40, but she already had six children. Maybe having had children already primes the body for more pregnancies, even at 'advanced maternal age'?

    I do get your point though. Statistics are not fate.

    This is sort of related -- a quick scan of my Facebook friends list reveals that my peers who have babies are usually not the peers who are also married. Huh.

    1. Yes, I think you're right that 2nd, 3rd, 7th, whatever baby is easier in late 30's or early 40's than first, but first is still entirely possible (maybe with the help of Creighton's NaPro Technology, but that's fine). A (Catholic, non-IVF using) neighbor of mine married at 37 or 38 and now has two children.

      Yikes about your facebook scan!

  7. Hmm. Hopefully there is not a strong correlation between your Catholic friends and the unmarried pregnant ones Julia ;)

    With honourable exceptions, the rich and the impecunious seem to be the ones having kids young, and the latter lean on family & the welfare state to prop them up financially. Most people in their 20s in our countries are struggling to complete tertiary education and get a stable job that pays enough to cover living costs - they sadly just can't afford marriage and kids. Add hook up culture, and it's no surprise a few babies come along (many unplanned) without the marriage.

    Oh dear - I sound terribly judgemental, and didn't mean to. It's great people are choosing to have their babies, but the stability of marriage first would be nice :) It's heartbreaking to see kids whose Dad has abandoned them and their Mum, or who is not even listed on the birth certificate...

    On the late baby thing - I have noticed a *lot* of 'change of life' kids (several siblings, then a large age gap until one last kid comes along before menopause), so there may be something to your idea Julia, of existing mothers being better adjusted to having another child at later ages.


  8. Adding to fragility list - new mothers, especially first time mothers. The hormones, the very dependent little one who changes your life forever, the lack of sleep and change in your body - a recipe for a breakdown. Other cultures seem to be quite good at allowing the mother of a new baby time to recuperate and adjust but the western world not so much.

    Late babies - both my sisters-in-law married in their mid thirties and began having children. One struggled to have the two she had, the other just had number 4 at age 45. You just never know and there is no point in stressing until you are in a position to do something - when you are married. I met my husband at 30, married him at 31 and had our first child at 32.

    Aussie girl in NZ

    1. Absolutely true about new mums! Shocking that I forgot about them. Isn't that terrible? Maybe this is because I was the first, so by the time I remember my mother having another baby, she had had three and was, like, whatever, stick her in the laundry basket and throw her a grape!

      Okay, she wasn't that quite laissez-faire, but mothers of more than two will understand.