Thursday 4 February 2016

World Misogyny Day

American Sex Tourist (Osoba uprawiająca turystikę erotyczną.)
Good News! My post was obsolete even before I finally wrote it. World Misogyny Day has been cancelled. But here is the post anyway.


It is a shame that he picked Feb 6, the Feast of Saint Dorothy, patroness of brides and newlyweds, but an American Pick Up Artist blogger has "organized" meetings throughout the world for his drooling followers. He himself will be at one of the meetings, but it is unlikely to be the one in Glasgow, for Glaswegians have been threatening him with beatings in their inimitable Glaswegian style and he seems rather frightened.

The only meetings that can be said to be "organized" are the ones with emails, not meeting places, attached to them in his long post on the subject. The address list now stands as a guide for men and women who, wanting to show contempt for a rape apologist, may decide to shame his followers instead. (Update: so he has taken it down. My, my.) The blogger suggested that men who are unable to find other like-minded men conclude that their city wasn't ready for them yet. Uh huh. It's as if he grabbed some tourist books and picked the meeting places at random.

Poles will be sorry to see a few Polish cities on the list, but this may have more to do with the blogger's frequent residences in Poland--where living expenses are relatively cheap--than with the number of his Polish fans. (He may be in Poznan even now. Ew.) He writes guides for wannabe sex tourists (whom he euphemistically calls "love tourists"), and he has certainly written one about Poland. The blogger's critics have republished passages from his books in which he actually rapes his pick-ups. One can only hope the books are fictional, and he is merely writing pornos for his pimply audience.

The UK press is full of articles about this blogger, and he insists his "pro-rape" article suggesting that each and every sexual act performed in a domestic space be immune to prosecution. was satire. No. If such an article appeared in a feminist magazine like Jezebel, it would be satire. From that blogger, it was too obviously wishful thinking.

So there is quite a lot of hoopla, which is too bad, as it suggests that more people will buy his horrid books, which will be more money for him to go and live in "second tier" cities in Central and Eastern Europe to prey on virgins and other easily bamboozled women.  His fan demand of his critics why, if he's such a rapist, none of the women have gone to the police. Hmm. Yeah. That would be soooo easy for a Catholic virgin in a traditional country. "So Miss Kowalska, let me get this straight. You were walking down Ulica Piekna, and a bearded foreigner stopped you and asked for directions to the castle, and then made fun of your English. You responded angrily and he apologized, and before you understood what was going on, you were drinking in a tourist bar, and then, after three drinks, you agreed to go back to his apartment. Keep talking. We're fascinated."

The writings of this blogger veer between two points:

1. women shouldn't sleep around but marry young and have babies and take care of their husband
2. here's how to get beautiful young women to have one night stands with you*

He claims to love women and know what's best for women, but his series of books begin with the dehumanizing (and violent) "Bang", as in "Bang Kazakhistan". Ugh. Fortunately, he really hates Toronto--we Toronto girls have always despised preening American strangers who get in our faces, it's true---and also Denmark, where his techniques simply didn't work.

So why waste any thought on him at all? Well, first to put you on your guard against him and men like him. This can be very hard for nicely brought up young women with good fathers and brothers to get their minds around but

1. many men tell lies, some compulsively;
2. some men will say absolutely anything to get sex from you;
3. some men will do absolutely anything to get sex from you;
4. some men see you as nothing more than a walking vagina, no matter how much they may have in common with you on every other level, no matter how plain you think you are, no matter how intellectual and interesting you think yourself;
5. bars are not safe, fun places for a Single woman to be;
6. house parties with many male strangers are not safe, fun places for a  Single woman to be;
7. and, above all, some men practice and perfect psychological techniques to make you consent to things to which you would otherwise not consent. Salesmen have studied such techniques for years, and a knife salesman once--chortling at the stupidity of humanity--explained them to me. He was very good and selling people things they didn't want.

It would be helpful if every young woman in the world had a mobile phone and one solid friend or family member with a car, who could be trusted not to give a lecture, so that if she found herself having drunk a little too much with a guy she barely knows and the thought "What the heck am I doing" crossed her mind, she could go to the "Ladies" and just speed dial the friend.

Update: As the blogger "cancels" the "public" (i.e. largely imaginary, one suspects) meetings worldwide, one wonders if sometimes there is indeed such a thing as bad publicity, especially for alleged serial rapists. Oh, and no your love would not save him.

Update 2: Not safe for work or little brothers.


Update 3: His Middle Eastern good looks are making him a bit nervous in Poland, by the way, as nationalists patrol the streets looking for guys who look like him. WHAT an irony. The very kind of guys he respects--big, masculine, traditional--would beat the snot out of him if they knew why he was in Poland.

*Update 4: In reply to a furious email from a traditionalist reader,  it should be explained out that what is objectionable is the total disconnect between the two points. Naturally women shouldn't sleep around but marry young (if we are grown up, fall in love with a decent chap  and don't have  religious vocations), have babies and take care of our husbands. It's a beautiful, fulfilling, culture-building way of life. But this opinion is a bit rich coming from a man whose life mission is to have as much sex as possible with as many young women as possible and makes money telling other men how to do that, too. 2 rather cancels out 1, what?

14 comments:

  1. His two points are such example of a strange logical fallacy to cover up for the fact he seems to hate women. I read elsewhere that he believes all women are w****s until proven otherwise and don't deserve respect, but at the same time those who refuse him are what? frigid or something?
    Apparently a group of women from a Toronto boxing-club threatened to show up. There's certainly a bit of irony about how strongly people are reacting to this guy and then how much they are pulling apart the women of the trial.

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  2. I imagine people who have never sat with a sobbing rape victim, or a woman who consented to sex and was treated like a piece of garbage by the man who had sex with her, (why does anyone find that okay?), or tried to rescue a girl from a creep who was so frightened and confused she turned down the help, think V*l*z*d*h's blog hilarious and insightful.

    In the course of my M.Div studies, I worked with survivors of rape, but I think I have been more shaken by the comments and letters of readers who have been badly treated by men, both rape victims and women "who were sorry afterwards"--one because she had been given HIV in return for her virginity.

    I have also received extremely messed up emails from extremely messed up girls who were involved with nasty pieces of PUA work, women who tried to get my best advice without admitting that they had had full-on sex with the men--until they found out the men had herpes (etc.) and were in agonies of panic. At such times I would write "Go to a doctor at ONCE" and "Really, honestly, never talk to him again!" (Reader: "Yeah, but I want him to pay/explain/admit... Seraphic: "Seriously. Just. Never. Talk. To. Him. Again.)

    And guess what? These are not dummies. These are almost always college-educated women with serious jobs, serious careers. These are almost always religious women, usually committed Roman Catholics. They do not go out to bars hoping for one-night stands. They do not want a Sex and the City lifestyle. They want to meet a good guy--or a good enough guy, to judge by their choices--get married and have children. And yet they meet the wrong guy, the wrong guy SERIOUSLY messes with their heads, and the women act like lunatics. They seem unable to face reality and desperate to somehow "make things right" with the man they should never have encountered in the first place. They weren't bad or stupid. They were just hopeful, lonely and extremely unlucky.

    Well, that's my life as a blogger. I didn't realize anyone was pulling apart any of the women of the Ghomeshi trial except the Defense, whose job it is to do so. Personally, I'm not sure how on earth, years after the fact, without photographic evidence, you can prove a guy repeatedly punched you in the head. However, if justice can be done, may justice be done. I can't imagine Lucy DeCoutere putting her name out there to tell lies; my money's on Lucy getting a conviction.

    The secret to the worldwide reaction to V*l*z*d*h has a lot to do with the extreme marketability of his story, plus an extremely effective Scottish social media campaign. It's too bad the journos and sub-eds his "pro-rape" views on a piece he swears up and down was "satire." What they should have done was highlight the bits of his books that detail his actual rapes.

    I suppose I should note that V*l*z*d*h has never been charged with rape (as far as I know) and rape as a legal category changes from country to country. But if rape includes having sex with a woman too drunk to give consent, or a woman who is "half-asleep" or with a girl who is screaming for him to stop or with a girl who is in pain and crying, then I would say there are passages in his memoirs in which he is indeed raping the girl.

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  3. In the video, the pervert is all like, "Anything that women or gays want is theirs."

    Since when? Does he mean to say that since I'm a woman, I don't have to pay tax? That since I don't want to pay my car registration, I don't have to? That since I don't want to have to be conscious of my personal safety at night, I don't have to be? What a joke!

    Seriously, I'm not joking, I fear this guy is probably going to end up in hell.

    I'm serious when I say that I think that a lot of what gets called 'misogyny' these days actually isn't. This guy, however, HATES women. He even hates the ones who do what he wants and look the way he wants. He is a misogynist.

    How glad I am that I'm not his sister, daughter, or especially his mother. Imagine raising a son who turns out like that.

    Julia

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  4. And I am gratified that my country denied this despicable human being an entry visa.

    Julia

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  5. Really, I don't know what I can add! Maybe women should sit down with their twelve-year-old daughters and explain to them what PUA techniques look like and how to protect themselves from them when they are older.

    Interestingly, Valizadeh's Polish prison fantasies led him to manipulate his very own followers.
    http://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2014/03/02/manosphere-drama-roosh-valizadeh-reportedly-arrested-in-poland-after-violent-confrontation/

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    Replies
    1. I really hate thinking about all those poor girls who simply don't understand why they had sex with (or even lost their virginity to) that American guy they met and feel crippling shame about it. (Did you see "Ida" and scoff when the young Polish novice did that thing? So totally psychologically wrong.) In a Catholic country like Poland, there's going to be many girls like that, and I simply don't know if it's the kind of culture where women can just be honest and tell their fiances about "that time when." If not, the best thing the girls can do is get tested for diseases, go to confession, put the matter at the feet of our Crucified Lord and just never talk about it. I don't think God will forget what has happened to his daughters, however. I wish upon Valizadeh a long and impotent old age.

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    2. Yes, I think that is exactly what mothers of 12 year old girls should do. Traditional Christian girls are often raised to be compliant to make authorities, father, priest, sometimes brother. No one tells the girl to comply with a stranger's wishes, but mental habits can be hard to break. I've seen it a lot at my private uni. Girls were very sheltered and easily gave way too much authority over their lives to the men they just met. Luckily most of the men were not puas but the women wouldn't stand a chance against one.

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    3. If there are really that many girls in Catholic countries who can be tricked into sex, I am very, very worried. I mean, surely in Catholic countries like Poland, the consistent message from the pulpit is " You do NOT have sex with someone who is not your spouse"? How is it that some slimy American can just...undo all that? If it comes down to Priest vs Douche V, I know who I'm going to believe and trust, and I am certainly not the smartest or holiest woman out there.

      I will confess that I don't get it. Then again, I am one of the women on whom 'game' and 'negging' just doesn't work. Perhaps that is because I'm not afraid to be thought of as a 'b****'.

      If I have daughters, I am definitely going to tell them about 'game' and 'negging', and I am also going to tell them that it's okay to tell sex-tourists to f*** off.

      Julia

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    4. Mari T, I grew up in a traditional Catholic family, and I couldn't agree more. Arguing with men did not come second nature to me, and yet I've been arguing with men for most of my adult life. I'm just so fortunate I found and married an absolute sweetie who, despite being a splendid debater, hates it when people squabble.

      Julia, we can hope that V*l*z*deh was lying. I have finally come across him claiming that the rapey encounters he describes in his books might be fictional.

      As for negging, it works on some women and not on others. I read a fascinating hypothesis today that the way it works is by totally alienating all the strong, confident women, so that only the ones with "self-esteem issues" take the bait. If you never get hit on, but your friends always get hit on, or you think there is something wrong with you for never getting hit on, when you are hit on, you're like "Hey! Wow! A man has actually noticed I'm alive!"

      It's really simple when you think about it. Take a not-very-confident woman. Throw in a guy who gets her attention by saying something bizarre or rude for no discernible reason. Then have the guy love-bomb her. Then have the guy disappear.
      Result: one extremely confused and disappointed woman.

      Meanwhile the Sexual Revolution has gotten going in Poland, too. Obviously Catholic teaching and traditions have way more influence in Poland than elsewhere, but the birthrate is very low and young Poles are putting off marriage to travel and to go to school abroad and in one case possibly to annoy me.

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    5. Mari T, I grew up in a traditional Catholic family, and I couldn't agree more. Arguing with men did not come second nature to me, and yet I've been arguing with men for most of my adult life. I'm just so fortunate I found and married an absolute sweetie who, despite being a splendid debater, hates it when people squabble.

      Julia, we can hope that V*l*z*deh was lying. I have finally come across him claiming that the rapey encounters he describes in his books might be fictional.

      As for negging, it works on some women and not on others. I read a fascinating hypothesis today that the way it works is by totally alienating all the strong, confident women, so that only the ones with "self-esteem issues" take the bait. If you never get hit on, but your friends always get hit on, or you think there is something wrong with you for never getting hit on, when you are hit on, you're like "Hey! Wow! A man has actually noticed I'm alive!"

      It's really simple when you think about it. Take a not-very-confident woman. Throw in a guy who gets her attention by saying something bizarre or rude for no discernible reason. Then have the guy love-bomb her. Then have the guy disappear.
      Result: one extremely confused and disappointed woman.

      Meanwhile the Sexual Revolution has gotten going in Poland, too. Obviously Catholic teaching and traditions have way more influence in Poland than elsewhere, but the birthrate is very low and young Poles are putting off marriage to travel and to go to school abroad and in one case possibly to annoy me.

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  6. Julia - Oz government banned him? Excellent! Our government just goes really quiet and hopes they don't have to make a decision. Which is quite pathetic.

    We have had a US rapper or 2 banned if they were convicted wife beaters, etc AND feminists make a stink publicly... but really, how hard is it to make convictions for domestic violence or rape a red flag for visa issue?

    You could still make an exception if they have improved, but at least not let them breeze in unless the public spot it and make a fuss.

    SB

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  7. Don't know if you want this link here, so junk it if you don't, but this news article strikes me as hitting the nerve of a lot of what you have written about, D - the handsome ethnic lads on holiday, and the young girl led off by one of them, who is joined by his mates for a 'bit of fun' at her expense. Grim. And their attitude... (including *after* their guilty pleas to rape).

    http://www.nzherald.co.nz/world/news/article.cfm?c_id=2&objectid=11586065

    Truly a cautionary tale about getting too friendly with someone at a bar/public events/etc. Not that its her fault in any way; just that I'm sure she wishes now she had never gone off alone with him and have that experience in her mind forever...

    SB.

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    1. Yeah, I saw that story. If I had a teenage daughter, I'd be shouting "Bars aren't safe!" and she'd be rolling her eyes at me and complaining to her friends that I really don't get the modern world and I'm like something out of the nineteenth century. But seriously, why are girls told that bars are fun? Bars aren't fun. In my youth, I had way fun at clubs--usually Goth clubs where people are more interested in posing, costumes and the music than in pick-ups.

      Men on holiday plus alcohol can be supremely dangerous.

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  8. Yeh, tell me about it. Just had a confrontation with a six and a half foot drunk aggro guy who was having a tussle with his missus. Booze in men in big quantities is not fun; in men on holiday even less so. Even I think so, and I'm a man :D

    Perhaps part of the self-defense talks you, Mari and Julia will train 12 yr old girls in, would include taking them to bars on a Friday or Saturday night, just at peak intoxication time? Let them see what fun safe places they are.

    Then when home next day explain what likely happened to the 20 yr old girl they saw staggering out leaning on a sleazy blokes arm to stay upright... and how she is probably feeling about now. Put em off getting drunk for at least 2-3 years ;)

    On the cheery side, there are heaps of girls and guys who don't behave like the PUA. :)

    SB.

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